


take me down

by Ha_neul



Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: F/M, Pre-Relationship, Trans Female Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-05
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-17 04:15:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29219352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ha_neul/pseuds/Ha_neul
Summary: after ruby, their roles have changed and the lines between friend and enemy become blurredoran attempt to explore my warrior of light's relationship with gaius
Relationships: Gaius van Baelsar/Warrior of Light
Kudos: 7





	take me down

**Author's Note:**

> info abt my wol (Llaanaa) can be found [ here ](https://toyhou.se/7301807.llaanaa-barsen-thor)  
> gaius and llaanaa are both represented as trans characters here but that is not the focus/talked about explicitly
> 
> tbh this is just a friendship fic but i am going to explore their romance in the future if i can

She does not leave her battle against Ruby unscathed. How many bodies has she felled with no remorse? Hundreds upon hundreds and yet the image of a poor girl's desperation is clearer in this moment. She doesn't doubt Gaius' reaction is genuine as he learned of the pilot's identity, but she cannot shake the knowledge that this death is on her hands just as much as his.

There is an ache in her mind just as her body aches from her struggle against the crimson menace. Even as Gaius and Cid discussed their further actions, she did not miss the knowing look Cid had given her - A look that spoke clearly of, " _You damn well get yourself checked by a healer after all this. And yourself doesn't count."_ Knowing of her propensity for self examination.

She will do as he asks, just as soon as she makes something clear to the man that started this mess. The same man she sees slinking away to his tent, visibly keen on hurrying away to his next mission.

"You are departing so soon, Baelsar?" She interrupts his shuffling about and farewells to Severa. The woman in questions only nods towards him as she follows after Cid's retreat.

He does not pause in his packing. "My prior wounds are nothing compared to yours if that is what you are asking, Healer. Our mission will not be compromised by my own incapabilities."

Llaanaa crosses her arms, standing her ground at his blatant dismissal. "Humor me before your absence then. So much fuss over my own well-being has made me weary. Allow me to tend to you for my own peace of mind."

That gets his attention. He looks up from his rummaging as if to think of his answer.

Llaanaa's eyes dart over to the entrance of his tent and nods- That alone seems to be the push he needs.

"Very well, if that is all that you ask." He says picking up his belongings and leading her in.

The interior of the tent is the same as any other resistance issued hovel. There is a cot against a wall, blankets missing at which Llaanaa strongly suspects Gaius sleeps in what clothes he has on his back, and a modestly sized desk with a map of Eorzea sprawled atop it.

It hardly looks lived in at all. Despite this, Llaanaa does not comment, and simply gestures for Gaius to take a seat on the cot.

“Your clothing, please. If that is agreeable with you.” She stays standing, face neutral with that of a carefully practiced healer.

He does not so much as utter a word as he removes his coat and shirt. The skin is otherwise healthy, faded scars that no longer ache travel along his abdomen and across his chest. The majority of the damage is along his back, where he had dove to save Severa. There is no blood but the soreness of the wound site is evident. 

She takes a seat beside him, close enough to reach out but a modest distance so that her presence does not suffocate this man she cannot read.

The skin jumps when she traces a path with her fingers along the edge of the wound. Hands glowing as she soothes the pain. Her eyes wander towards Gaius’ shoulders, following the trail of twisted muscle as it retreats under the worn bandages that cover the rest of what she knows lays hidden.

His fists are clenched tight and she rests a hand on his forearm in question.

“May I?” She asks.

He holds out his fingers, relaxing his hand in silent acceptance.

As she unravels the bandages her suspicions are confirmed. The scars here are even more terrifying than the ones on his abdomen. Cloudy and splotched, these are burn marks her own hands had given him not so long ago. They no doubt still cause pain and she heals these as well, hand hovering back and forth as she silently casts. Her magic will not mend flesh but at least his mind can be more focused on battle than soreness.

“Do you resent me?” She finally asks. She need not specify further, eyes traveling to look at his face.

"Should I?" He responds, looking away from her, eyes glued a spot on the tent wall. "Perhaps I deserve this reminder of my past errors." 

"And yet every moment you accuse me of harboring some sort of grudge against your very being." Llaanaa says tapping her fingers along the skin of his arm absently.

Gaius almost snorts, letting out a sigh through his nose. "I can't see why you wouldn't of all-'' He stops abruptly at Llaanaa’s lofty grin. "You think this situation is amusing?"

Llaanaa shakes her head as she slowly re-wraps Gaius' arm. "There is a severe misunderstanding between us, and as such, you have a very large gap of missing knowledge about myself." Gaius doesn't miss the tightening of the bandage along each enunciation of her words. "What am I to you? The hero who comes to the scions' every beck and call? Some figurehead of Eorzea? You truly believe me in some position of power amongst them? Were that the case I would not even be sitting here before you."

There is a frustration building up within her and she knows only shown emotion will convince this man of her intention. 

"You said yourself I lack conviction. I lack freedom as well. Just as you hold on to your idea of a perfect Garlemald, I must walk the path with Eorzea whether or not that is what I believe. Do you understand?" 

She ties the knot of the bandage up to his shoulder closed.

"Those I wish to protect happen to be of a people you resent, and so my duties lie opposed to you by nature of things...though you may see it in black and white, Baelsar, I care not of your actions, only that of which have forced your obligations to me." 

Confusion still lingers on the man's face as he looks up at Llaanaa whose eyebrows are knitted together in resolve.

"That it be us working together was by pure coincidence, I told you I care not for war or power anymore. " He insists.

"We are not so different in our sins." She whispers almost to herself in thought. "Come, I will be more forward. Allow me to ease your grief." She holds out her hands to him, palms up. "Your mental functioning is as important as mine."

Gaius hesitates, he had heard rumors of the blessing bestowed upon the scion's champion. A curing of the mind that equaled miracles of physical medicine. To what extent she plans to rifle through his thoughts he doesn't know and that brings distrust to him.

Seeing his apprehension, Llaanaa turns her hand away, palms down as she barely brushes the back of her hand against his hair. "It will not be like the flashback of invading memories you saw in the firmament. It is more of a soothing embrace for your thoughts. Your body may heal but your mind needs rest too. Permit me this the very least?"

He closes his eyes and breathes in heavily. 

"You ask for the most minute of favors when the world would tremble at your feet. When we first met I had not a word from your lips or a name to which to put to my enemy. Do you so truly despise the role in which your gods give you?" He eases the tension in his shoulders, a sign of defeat and acceptance for her to go on.

More firm hands run through his hair now in a soothing massage, he sees the glow above him from her hands as she closes her eyes in focus.

"Were my path my own I would have walked half of it along yours. I see now your true heart in Cid and Milisandia." She confesses as she combs through the tangles of agony in his heart.

"Half my path? You desired children?"

There is amusement in Llaanaa's smile but the pain hidden away cannot be missed. As she finishes her ministrations, she pats Gaius' thigh and stands.

"Not quite. We will speak further of me when time is more forgiving. When you return would you come to see me once more like this?" 

"I would not hope to be so battered as to inconvenience one of the Alliance's most skilled healers." Says Gaius in jest, sensing that the topic was over. 

Llaanaa laughs a hearty chuckle. "Thank you Baelsar. I pray we meet again soon."

\-----------

"Healer." Gaius greets as he enters the small resistance tent that had been set up for the warrior's stay. 

"I bid you call me Llaanaa as I recall." She says without turning away from whatever supplies she is currently organizing on her desk.

Gaius scowls. He doesn't move from the opening of the tent and crosses his arms. "I cannot keep my promise to you."

"Ah," Llaanaa says with a pause in her work. "If that is what you desire." 

"No, I believe it is yours." 

Llaanaa tilts her head in question.

"You came to me seeking a confidant with no care of your status or past. Someone to not fret over your mind and body. I can no longer be what you ask when I can't look beyond yourself as it is." Gaius' face contorts to an expression of shame and guilt.

Llaanaa dares not speak as she opens her mouth slightly in surprise. 

"Hydaelyn's call controlled your actions, did it not? Her power brought the ability to bring comfort and safety to your Scion children but it wasn't by your will. Just as the Ascians beckon to Zodiark so does the so-called gift fester within you. You no more wanted to fight me that day than you wanted to turn tail and be rid of the responsibility."

"Gaius." Llaanaa interrupts before he can continue. "You understand my plight is the same as yours then? No matter what we do we will want to protect those we hold dear no matter the cost. To live in their name is to honor those we have lost and just as we hold these titles we wish not to bear, we protect our children another day forward."

"You believe my actions of the past were not my own?"

Llaanaa shakes her head. "You will never be absolved of your crimes. And were you to ever harm the innocent I would have you burned as I did that day of our meeting. I see you as the man you were before and the man you are now. The man who walked with the most brilliant minds of this age and the man who stands before me to correct his mistakes without praise."

Gaius' eyes widen. 

"You cannot care for me like you do them." He will never be like Llaanaa's beloved twins or watchful spy. Never be like the learned Elezen who walks with calm serenity or even the most insignificant soldier in the alliance.

The sadness in her eyes brings worry to Gaius' chest that stings his very core.

"That is my folly, Gaius. Just as Hydaelyn bestows her gift to us I can no more stop myself from seeing the good in even the most evil of men. I don't owe you my story, but through the crimes you've committed I've managed to see yours and I wish to help you." 

"What is it that you want of me?"

"I sought only for you to see me as I am. I ask no more nor less." She gently takes his hands in hers. "To ask more from either of us is to ask the world."

"I would give you the world were it in my power. My offer to you that day was no jest." Llaanaa's eyes widen. "I don't know what I can offer to you, when the world is already yours-"

Llaanaa frantically waves her hand in front of his face to stop him as she lets out a loud laugh. "Oh, you silly man! Stop, enough! I can't take it anymore." 

She moves her arms then around Gaius suddenly, pulling him into a tight hug. Many of which he himself has seen her offer to mere strangers quite frequently.

She's softer than her appearance gives away. He doesn't know where to put his hands and he fumbles awkwardly through the hug as he tries to remember the last time anyone has touched him with fondness. He feels her fingers card through his hair as she shifts to murmur near his ear.

"I wished to be your friend, that is all." She feels the warmth in his cheeks rise before she pulls away and she lays her hands on his shoulders comfortably. "Would you honor this wish?"

"I would be a fool not to." He replies as she takes a step back, satisfied with his answer. "I can't promise more" Gaius continues "- nor would I expect you to voice your desire even if you had one, but I will do my best to stand at your side as you have mine." 

Llaanaa smiles, "Good! Now then, my first request as your friend is that you visit me whenever you feel it necessary to bottle up every pain inside that fragile old body of yours." 

"Ah, it's nothing worth-" Gaius begins, taken aback by her sudden forwardness.

Clicking her tongue, Llaanaa shakes her head. "You would break our promise so soon, Baelsar?" She feigns disappointment, hands on her hip and he feels like a young soldier again, chastised by his nurse for sneaking out with injuries remaining.

He sighs, maneuvering himself to sit on the cot beside her desk. "My apologies, Miss Llaanaa." 

She hums in approval and motions for him to lie down. "I'll fetch the dressings from the supply tent and be right back."

His eyes follow her as she turns to leave, and the call dies out from his throat before he can start it. "H-hold." He fumbles awkwardly, hand useless outstretched for her to stop.

She turns her head to him and cocks it inquisitively.

"Thank you." 

Llaanaa beams, a chuckle rising from her as she nods at him in silent acceptance.

**Author's Note:**

> writing isn't really my thing and i mostly draw so catch me over on [iovitus @ twitter](https://twitter.com/iovitus) if u want!


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